Don’t Be Sad……

“Don’t be sad. Don’t be blue. There is something everyone can do!”

This is from the children’s story, Pete the Cat and the New Guy.  In the story, Pete befriends Gus, a platypus, who is still trying to figure out what he does well.  Each day, Gus meets someone new and learns about their unique talent and ability.

In one interaction, Gus meets Pete’s friend Grumpy Toad.  You guessed it.  Toad is grumpy and he is great at jumping.  Gus attempts to jump, but confesses that it is something he simply is unable to do.  Pete responds,

“Don’t be sad.

Don’t be blue.

There is something

Everyone can do.”

By the end of the story, Gus realizes that he may not be able to climb, jump, or juggle, but he can play the drums!  Discovering his talent makes him happy and gives him something “he can do” with his friends.

This story has some very important lessons to share- that difference is “cool” (Pete’s description of being “different”); that each of us have our own strengths and talents; and that discovering these strengths can bring us joy.

Recognizing our strengths is one of the aspects of the social-emotional competency, self awareness.  Self awareness is the ability to understand one’s emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence our behavior.  This includes recognizing our own strengths and limitations with a well-grounded sense of confidence and purpose (CASEL.org).

Knowing what we do well- and what our limitations are- certainly can affect how we interact with others and how we feel when engaged in activities that either highlight our strengths or bring to light our limitations.  Gus was acutely aware of this when he was unable to participate and play with his new friends because of his lack of skills and ability.  And as a result he was indeed “sad and blue.”

Whereas Pete was encouraging, he also was quick to tell Gus not to be sad.  We do this all the time.  As caring and empathic humans, we never like to see someone upset. However, telling anyone not to feel what they are expressing, whether it be sadness, anger, or anxiety, we are unintentionally sending them the message that unpleasant emotions are not acceptable or appropriate.  This can result in children and adults not sharing their emotions.  Or as Dr. Mark Brackett says, this can lead people to feel that they do not have “permission to feel.”

When someone shares an unpleasant emotion such as sadness, it is important to validate the emotion.  Then we can help them understand and articulate why they are feeling sad and how to manage that emotion.  This is about empowering the person, rather than swooping in and “making it better.” We can encourage this by asking the following questions:

Why are you feeling sad? Do you want to continue feeling sad?  (Sometimes is it beneficial to allow the person to “sit” with the emotion for a bit). When you felt sad like this before, what did you do to help yourself feel better?

We live in a world where happiness is held as the ultimate goal.  We encourage our kids, our partners, and our friends to only do things that make them happy. But being happy all the time is simply unrealistic. It is also important to remember that we are not responsible for others’ happiness nor is it our job to “fix” whatever is causing their unhappiness.  Empowering our children and those we care about to identify, articulate, and manage their emotions- whatever they may be- is a skill that we all can learn and practice, and which will help us live lives full of all the wonderful emotions that come with being human!